Bandannas and Spatulas
by rurouni88
Summary: A Ryoga and Ukyo fic. When lost Ryoga crashes into Ucchans, strange things happens.
1. Ryoga is...Sweet-And-Sour-Pork?!

Title: Bandannas and Spatulas  
  
Chapter one: Ryoga is...Sweet-And-Sour-Pork?!  
By Rurouni88  
  
Disclaimer: The characters in this fic are _NOT_ mine. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi - the  
author of Ranma 1/2 - except Mr. Chow-Mein - whom I've just made up for this story. So please  
don't sue me~! I'm not making money with this, and I'm just a poor student person who hardly ever  
gets allowance.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
In the streets of Nerima, a stammering teenage boy with yellow and black bandannas stood in  
front a wall - talking to himself. And drawing a huge crowd behind him.   
  
"Akane.... I've..I've come for you! I'm so sorry for leaving you all alone to deal with that  
bastard Ranma! If I only knew how to get to you without getting lost - and if only I could defeat him   
- If only I had the guts to ask you this......" *Siigh,,,,,*  
  
"A...Akane," He started to poke little holes on the wall,  
  
"I....ah.." and tried to look serious with his face all pink with nervousness.   
  
"AKANE!!! WILL YOU GO OUT WITH MEEEH?!?!?!," after a few minutes of murmuring to  
himself and biting his nails, Ryoga Hibiki screamed at the wall, then sighed happily now that he  
had said it. Every stranger walking past him had large sweatdrops on their face but Ryoga didn't  
care. He was so happy, he was so proud of himself.... he always practiced and practiced that  
line...And he said it so perfectly well..! After saying "I LOVE YOU AKANE" about 60 times to the  
wall that day, Ryoga decided that he was ready. He was ready to find his beautiful love Akane. He  
would go up to her, and ask her to marry him. And confess his secret to her.   
And of course, his dear Akane would definatly say-  
  
"Oh, my~! I...I, I don't know what to say!" - A chubby young girl next to him with ice cream  
all over her face who sort of looked like Akane suddenly popped out of nowehere and ran into him.  
She smiled widely and gave Ryoga a big hug with a huge unwanted kiss on his cheek.   
  
"AAAH! GET OFAA ME!!!" Ryoga screamed in one of those cute little anime-ish way and  
ran as fast as he can from the crowd and the girl with ice cream all over her face.   
  
  
-few minutes later in another corner of the streets-  
  
"Dammit!!! Why?Why?Why?Why?" Ryoga swore in the dark. Yes, that ice cream girl  
wasn't Akane, but, he had wanted so much for _Akane_ to say something like that. Surely, she  
would've loved to go out with him...maybe, if Ranma bothered her that much. She had gone out  
with him before, once, but..uh... that turned out that Akane was sort of using him to make Ranma  
jealous. Ryoga had to know. He would ask Akane if she didn't want him as more than a friend or  
she actually had feelings for him, as Ryoga thought of her. So, after going through the forests of  
Mt.Fuji to train - just incase Ranma got in his way, Ryoga actually managed to reach Nerima.  
Well, it was after going through Tokyo, Hiroshima - and some other small villages in Hokkaido  
because he got lost a few times, but that didn't matter now. He _was_ in Nerima, and Akane would  
be waiting for him. He was about 90% sure that Akane loved him just as much as he loved her.  
Lost in his thoughts, Ryoga started to practice the speech he had prepared for  
Akane....*AGAIN***....  
  
"Akane...Oh... If only you knew..." he clenched his jaws while the tears welled in his eyes....   
  
" I confess, I lo-"  
  
"HEY! STOP POKING HOLES IN MY WALL!!! YOU BETTER PAY FOR THAT!!!!" - Suddenly,  
some unknown figure screamed at Ryoga, and swiftly threw some kind of weapon at him.  
  
*swing*  
  
*WHAP*  
  
" *ouch!* What? I wasn't poking holes in your wall!! " Ryoga began to rub at his head  
where the metal object had hit him and started to yell back at the figure in the dark who had thrown  
the metal objects - then realized that he _was_ poking holes on a wall.   
  
'Shit! Now what should I do now?' Ryoga desperately tried to think of something to do -  
and fast, because the figure in the dark had started to draw another set of those metal objects to  
pin him on the wall.  
  
'Oh..noo!' Ryoga was frantic when he saw that the objects were a bunch of spatulas and  
when the figure started to walk up to him......  
  
Then....suddenly.....  
  
  
  
  
*Drip*   
  
  
.....  
  
*Drop*   
  
  
....  
  
  
*Drip*   
  
....  
  
  
*Drop*  
  
.....  
  
'Eh?' ......tiny drops of water fell on his nose.   
  
'Okay, this is a double no! I can't turn into a pig now! I have to find Akane... Akane...!'   
With that, the poor boy shrank slowly to turn into a black pig.  
  
'Damn.'   
  
"Huh? Where did that Hole-poking-man run off to? Darn! Why do people hafta come and  
poke holes through _my_ walls?! Argh.. It might've been Shampoo - trying to destroy my  
restaurant...! " Ukyo frowned and picked up her mini spatulas she used to stop the  
Hole-poking-person. At least, that person was gone for now, and maybe she scared that person  
away so he/she won't be coming back.   
  
'Dammit, its raining _again_!!' Ukyo swore as she tried to get all of her spatulas back.  
They would rust easily now that she had been using them for a long time, and she couldn't afford  
to buy any more spatulas....  
  
'Since the business had not been going too well...' Oh, everything was terrible with  
Shampoo and Akane chasing after her Ranma. Days had been dark with hatred, jealousy, and a  
lot of rain. So you could say that life has been pretty tough and competitive for Ukyo Kuonji, the  
owner of Ucchan's and an average 16 year old um.. cross dresser. Shampoo, one of Ukyo's  
enemies has been trying to take Ranma for herself and make Ukyo's customers eat 'all too  
delicious' ramen at Nekohantan. Argh... She scrunched her face as she remembered that horrible  
day when Shampoo planned to take _her_ Ranma away.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*Flashback   
  
It started when she was watching a t.v. show and Nekohantan's commercial came on:  
  
'Nihao people! The Nekohantan all too delicious Ramen price very low in summer!'  
*smiles* 'Shampoo the waitress make your day too too more bright if you go to Nekohantan and  
eat Shampoo ramen! Just because days too dark and gloomy with rain, no stay in home and do  
nothing! Come out and enjoy Shampoo Ramen! Oh, and remember, Shampoo Ramen ALWAYS  
free for Ranma! And stupid spatula girl Restaurant very nasty!!!!' *wink*  
  
"EEEAAARRRGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!" (Ukyo screaming with a few veins popping on her  
forehead)  
  
*Swish*  
  
*Bop*  
  
*Crash*  
  
And then Ukyo's poor T.V. was in pieces.  
  
Another incident that made Ukyo mad-  
  
It was another rainy day when Ranma jumped into her restaurant.  
  
"Hey Ucchan! Can I have some of those-" he started to order an okonomiyaki when that evil cat  
ran into the restaurant.  
  
"Ranma! You no eat at stupid spatula girl's restaurant!! It tastless! Very Very discusting food."   
Shampoo picked up an okonomiyaki from a plate and threw it to the ground while Ukyo glared at  
Shampoo.   
  
"You eat good food. Shampoo ramen better than stupid spatula girl's circle looking trash !!"  
Shampoo put her arms around a blushing Ranma and whispered into his ear seductively. She  
continued to hug him then kissed him on the cheek, right in front Ukyo. She was practically  
mocking Ukyo in her own restaurant!!  
  
"AAARGHHH...!!! GETT OUUUUUUUT!!!" Ukyo popped some of her veins on her forehead then  
shoved the two couples out of her restaurant.  
  
"That b*tch..!"   
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*End flashback   
  
Shampoo tried to convince Ukyo's customers to eat at Nekohantan in other ways and now, it was  
like a war - a battle between Ukyo and Shampoo - since she knew that weak Akane wouldn't even  
stand a chance against Shampoo and herself. With Shampoo going around and spreading rumors  
about Ukyo and Ucchan's, some of her faithful customers (like Ranma) started to eat their  
luncheons at Nekohanton.   
*Sigh....* Ukyo was depressed. Now she couldn't find two of her spatulas. She couldn't even  
_see_ in this small corner of the street with all the smelly garbage and rain. The earth was just so  
damp from the rain and so...uh.....  
  
"Bwee."  
  
"What was that....?" Ukyo wondered out loud in a shaky voice when she heard...  
something. Behind the large garbage can.  
  
"Bweeeee........"  
  
*Klang* *Klang*  
  
A sweat rolled out from Ukyo's wet bangs when she heard her missing spatulas go klang. And  
klang again. An unknown creature behind the smelly trash can had her spatulas!!!!!  
  
*Glare* "Come out, whatever you are!!! Give those spatulas back, you....  
weird-creature-behind-the-smelly-trash can!!!! I have these five sharp spatulas here with me and  
I'm _not_ afraid to use it!!!!!"   
  
'Well I _am_ afraid to lose them, but... I can't leave those spatulas!!!! IT'S ALL OR NOTHING!!'  
  
Ukyo shouted and tried to think of a way to shoo the creature away. She was having a bad day,  
and some creature was not going to make it worse. She won't allow it.  
  
"Bweeeee~!!!" Ryoga- I mean, little P-chan was now in a big trouble. He was pinned  
against the wall behind the trash can with all of his wet belongings besides him, including his  
bandannas. They have fallen out somehow, when he got attacked by the dark figure which  
happened to be Ukyo Kuonji. He was sweating like a dirty rag drenched with grimy sewer water.   
  
"Bwee bwee, *snort* *snort*?" (Translations: Is this the end of lil' P-chan?!?!?!?!?!) He  
wondered out loud. The spatulas were aimed well because P-chan couldn't even move - he was  
tightly stuck to the wall. The smell of the trash can was making him dizzy and nauseous. And so  
there was only one thing for him to do.  
  
"BWEEE! BWEEE!! *Snort**Snort* BWWEEEE!!" He tried to sound like a real filthy pig to  
trick Ukyo to think that he really was a pig. Not P-chan nor Ryoga, but some kind of a... pig. Maybe  
Ukyo would just let him go and think that he's a stray pig. Or a pig who ran away from a restaurant.  
Because he remembered that she never knew that he fell into the spring of a drowned pig. Without  
his bandannas, he was nothing but a 'lil helpless black piggy.  
  
"It sounds like.....a.... pig!" Ukyo tilted her head a little and squinted her eyes curiously as  
she stepped closer to the garbage can. She could see a small black thing - a springy short tail!!  
  
'argh...hope she won't recognize me as P-chan!!' Ryoga thought.  
  
'Hm... Maybe it wasn't Shampoo after all....' Ukyo slowly moved towards the trash can and  
peaked through the space between the trash can and her restaurant wall. There she found a...  
  
'OOOH NOOOOOO~!!!!!' Ukyo stared at a small black pig in shock. It was...It was...  
Mr. Chow-Mein's lost black pig Sweet-And-Sour-Pork. It was plump, cute, black, and in a perfect  
size to serve one person. Mr. Chow-Mien (who was the owner of the Chinese fast food store next  
to the Ucchan's) has been looking for Sweet-And-Sour-Pork for three days, since it ran away  
because it got scared of his owner. Mr. Chow-Mein didn't intend to eat Sweet-And-Sour-Pork... he  
actually cared for that black pig after his 4 sons and daughters got a job as a secret agent in  
a..some kind of company called NERV.  
  
'Poor Sweat-And-Sour-Pork....' Ukyo felt sorry for the little pig. Well, it was out in the cold  
and rain for three whole days without food and a lot of water. 'He must be very tired!!' The black  
pig looked terrified! The more Ukyo looked at its eyes, the more she wanted to help Mr.Chow-Mein  
and his Sweet-And-Sour-Pork. But..  
  
"Oh, no. Mr.Chow-Mein is gone for a short vacation!!" Ukyo just realized that. Yup, Mr.  
Chow-Mein went back to China to spend few days with his brother in Jusenkyo. He would just  
forget about all his problems for a while and relax in one of his brother's hot springs........  
  
While Ukyo was talking to herself, P-Chan looked at her curiously. She was also wet and sticky -   
looking from the rain, with her hair and cloths all stuck together and her spatulas starting to rust in  
her hands.   
  
"Bwee..." (Please help me....) He was starting to get all drowsy again, probably because  
he didn't eat anything since the day before yesterday (from the training and getting lost for a few  
days).   
  
"Oh well.. I'll just take him in for now, and get him back to Mr.Chow-Mein's later." Ukyo  
finally concluded her thought after 10 minutes of thinking, and gently reached her hand out to the  
tired pig.  
  
"Bwee?" P-chan looked up.  
  
" *smiles* Sweet-And-Sour-Pork - I think you should come with me for now... Where were  
you all this time anyway? Mr. Chow-Mein was _very_ worried about you, you know...- Oh I'm sorry!  
*_*" Ukyo frowned after realizing that the pig stuck to her wall with her lost spatulas. She pulled  
them out gently - 'ARGH! ITS ALL DIRTY AND IT'S STARTING TO RUST!! _ 


	2. Akane in his dream / The unknown creatur...

Title:Bandannas and Spatulas  
  
Chapter two: Akane in his dream / The unknown creature.  
By rurouni88  
  
Disclaimer: The characters in this fic are NOT mine. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi - the author  
of Ranma 1/2.  
  
Just to tellya all.... This is the 2nd Chapter of the first fanfic I've ever wrote, so don't go "Awee...  
This sux" when you read it and TRY TO UNDERSTAND that I've tried my best to write this thing.  
K? Well, Just read it and send criticisms and comments to meeeh!!! ^_^   
  
I'm just a 13 year old person starting to write....T_T...  
  
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"Uh...." Ryoga's face was very red.  
  
And Ukyo just stared at his wet face.  
  
A drop of water fell from his tip of nose and splashed on her cheek. Ukyo was just in the water  
(except her face) with Ryoga on top of her. After she  
tried to hit Ryoga with her bath things - shampoo, soap, toothbrush, some of her work cloths, and  
any other things she could have reached. Ryoga tried to stop her and grabed both of her hands  
when they both slipped and fell into the tub of hot water. And her cloths floated on top of them.  
Ryoga still held both of her hands tight - just as he did when Ukyo started to hit him because he  
suddendly apeared in the bathtub.  
  
"Ah...um.. Like I said, I can explain." Ryoga mumbled. Then he just remebered that he  
wasn't wearing anything (he was even without his bandannas... - -;;) and Ukyo was in a loose  
towel. To think of it, she really looked nice in her...towel. His eyes wandered and became beet red  
- until he saw her large hazel eyes. She looked...shocked. She didn't slap him in the face, she  
didn't poke him with her spatulas - she didn't even seem to breath for a moment.  
  
'What? Why...Is Ryoga here? He's so...so......' Ukyo tried to think of a way to describe  
Ryoga - 'He's so....Red' Then she blinked, and realized what just happened when she just saw  
that he was uh.... naked.  
  
"EEEP! GET HENTAI!! ECCHI!!! DIEEE YOU!!!!" Ukyou blushed furiously and reached for  
her hair dryer and banged a few times against Ryoga's poor head before he could even blink.  
  
*KLANG**KLANG**KLANG******  
  
And Ryoga fell on her chest, unconsious for the second time that day.  
  
"EEEEEEEEP!!!!!! GET OFFA ME, YOU HENTAI!!!!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
'Okay, today, I've made a pig and a guy unconsious....I think I'm having a bad day.. What  
would Ryoga do if he gets up....?! That jackass, and what the hell was he doing in my bathtub  
anyway?' Ukyo thought in frustration as she dragged a now fully clothed Ryoga to her couch, 'And  
where did Sweet-And-Sour-Pork go?'   
  
'Ugh.... Too heavy...!' She cursed under her breath-  
  
*thump**  
  
"Whew...!" She brushed her sweaty forehead withe back of her hand as she dropped  
Ryoga on the couch. He was still a bit wet, but at least dressed for now (with Ukyou's guy's cloths).  
She bit her lip and blushed when she thought about how she dressed him in less than a minute.  
She tried not to look, and she did it.   
'I never knew that he would be so about how Sweat-And-Sour-Pork could get away, when  
she heard some loud bangings from her kitchen.  
  
"...Argh...What NOW?!" She sighed heavily and looked over at Ryoga - who lay  
unconsious on her couch.   
"You better not leave this couch untill I get back from the kitchen...." She growled and  
slowly tiptoed down the hallway to poke her head out of the kitchen door. She could have sworn  
that she had flipped the closed sign on the door before bringing Sweet-And-Sour-Pork home.  
Maybe Then again, she might have unlocked the door because she was in such a hurry.   
  
*Klang, Klang*  
  
"Damn...." Ukyo suspicially looked when she heard the bangs and klangs in her kitchen,  
and kitchen and pulled out a rusted spatula - and tightened her grip around it. She took a quick  
glance at her front door, and it really was slightly opened. Someone, or something had gotten into  
her restaurant, and he/she/it wasn't going anywhere...She just hoped that it wasn't someone like  
Shampoo, because Ukyo now was too tired to fight.  
  
*Klang* *Klang*  
  
'Hm....The sound must be coming from the cabnits....Trying to steal my recipe, 'lil cat?'  
Ukyo smirked and approched closer to the kitchen.   
  
'Snif' 'snif'......'grunt'....'grunt'..... Ukyo heard some soft grunting and sniffing when she was  
close enough to see the burglar. It was still raining outside and even lightning, so it was very hard  
to see in the dark - but she squinted her eyes to look at a small figure in the corner of ther food  
cabnits.   
  
- - - - - - - - - -   
  
  
'Oh Ryoga......You're...here....!' A tear slid down from Akane's beautiful blue eyes, ' I've  
waited for you....'   
  
'You...you have?' Ryoga timidly asked Akane. Oh, she looked so happy, smiling brightly at  
him,  
  
'You cared for me..?'  
  
'Of course I have, silly..! I've always had feelings for you!!' Akane stared lovingly at Ryoga.  
  
They have been standing in front of the Tendo house - when Ryoga FINALLY reached his beloved  
Akane's house. She just happened to get the door. It was a wonderful spring day, with light blue  
sky, pink blossom trees and the warm sun - shadowing the two.   
  
'Ever since I found out that you were P-chan....I was in love with you... ' Akane blushed  
and sniffed a little and tried to dry her tears.  
  
'A...Akane...' Ryoga couldn't say anything. He never expected Akane to say that!! She  
loved him!! But...that was since she found out that he was...P-CHAN..?!?!   
'Akane! How did you know that I was P-chan?!' He sount pretty embarrased.  
  
'You dummy..!' She smiled, ' Since the day Ranma found out that you were a pig!! I just  
pretened that I didn't know so you can sleep with me in my bedroom...Oh, you've been such a cute  
pet!' - she giggled.  
  
'Ah........' Ryoga just sweatdropped - then realized that the scene suddenley changed  
when it started to rain, and the sky turned into a darker shades of blue.  
  
'But....I'm married to Ranma now..... because...you... you didn't come for me!!' she cried,  
now holding her face with her hands, suddenly sobbing quietly.   
  
A lightening strucked Ryoga.  
  
'.......Akane...I'm so sorry..! I tried, Akane, I tried to beat him!!' Ryoga tried reach out to her  
- to hug her and comfort her.   
  
'Akanee!' - then the crying figure of Akane turned away from him and ran into her house.  
He tried to follow her, but everything in the scene seemed to turn darker, and darker, until it was  
pitch black.  
  
'Akanee!!'  
  
- - - -- - - - -  
*Sssawwwwwwwwwwwwwww....* (thats supposed to be the sound of the rain..--;;)  
  
*Krooomm....*  
  
"No.....!" Ryoga murmured in his sleep then slowly reached his hand out - to feel a soft  
blanket on it.   
  
*Krooom....~~~~!* The sound of the lighthning and the rain woke him up.  
  
'huh?'  
  
"Ooh...my head......." Ryoga tried to open his heavy eyes and shook his head. His body  
was all sore and his head hurt as if someone hit him on the head with a hair dryer. He started to  
look around the place he was in, then tried to remember what had happend to him. Then,  
remembered Akane's deep blue eyes as she cried for him.   
  
"It was...just a dream." He whispered to himself, "Better go to her before its too late..!"  
get off the couch. But...he felt so tired - and his head hurt when he tried to move. He needed to  
sleep. Just what had happened to him?   
  
"Hm....." He cocked his head and blinked - and said the first thing that was on his mind,  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
- - - - - - - - -  
  
  
Ukyo was mad. She had been chasing the dark figure and she couldn't believe that something  
_that_ small can be faster than her!! She was now sure that this creature was sent from Shampoo  
- to steal her recipes. The creature was digging through her food when Ukyo first tried to grab it.  
Then it quickly jumped up and landed on the tables, the counter, the cabnits, as Ukyo thew her  
spatulas and flour bombs to catch that burglar.   
  
"AAARRRAGGGGGGHH!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!" Ukyo screamed and swung her giant spatula  
at it. She's been doing this for some time now, and her restaraunt was a mess from Ukyo's  
attacks. She even forgot that she was very tired from the *incident* with Ryoga in the bathroom.  
  
*Swing,* *Swing*  
  
*Crash*   
  
"BWEEEEEEEEEEE~~~~!!!" The creature seemed to be angry too, since it attacked Ukyo  
by scratching her arms, biting, and growling. It leaped up and landed on Ukyo's head - causing her  
to hit her head with her spatula while the creature jumped up again.   
  
"Ouch......." Ukyo murmured in pain, and grabbed her head. "WHY YOU....." She glared at  
the creature with her blood-red eyes and fifteen veins popped up on her forehead.   
  
"EEEARRRRR~!!!!!" Ukyo cried and started to chase the creature madley, and finally  
cornered it. "Ehehehehehehehheeeeh......" She hysterically laughed in an evil way, and readied  
herself to swing her giant spatula.   
  
"Bwee~!!" The small creature actually looked scared, but Ukyo didn't care. He had caused  
her to break two of her tables and a lot of dishes and cups. Ukyo finaly swung her spatula and  
smiled in victory, but the small creature sprinted to the slightly opened front door before she could  
hit it.  
  
"Wha...?" Ukyo froze - realizing that she had missed the pig and looked after the swining  
front door a lot of rain outside it.   
"......" Then stared at the mess around her.   
  
*Kroomm...Boommm,....* (The thunder went boom)  
  
"Damn."  
  
  
_-_-_-_-_-_- eh...tbc?  
  
I kno that sucked, and I'm new at writing....so....please REVIEW, and tell me wat u think about it.  
No mean mean flames tho.   
  
-rurouni88 


End file.
